Serenity Saint July 21, 2023

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. - John 14:27 (KJV).

Mind if I talk about something that has been weighing on my heart for the last few weeks? I've been feeling somewhat at a distance from God. Let me be clear, this isn't because I returned to my old way of life or anything like that. It is more because I have just felt a little more disconnected. Like I wasn't as "on fire" for God compared to times in my life when I was.

In 2016, I was sent back to prison for two years. During the 2 years I was incarcerated, I had a beautiful relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ. Words can't do my feelings justice during this time. I should have been feeling fear and anxiety, but my faith gave me a sense of peace and calm. Being locked up is one of the loneliest, scariest, and most stressful times to go through, while being away from family and friends. In prison, you are living with murderers, thieves, liars, and addicts of every kind. It's safe to say that it's not one of the easiest places to find peace.

With that being said, after a few months of being in prison I was able to find the peace I needed so badly. When I tell you that I surrendered to God, that's exactly what I did. I prayed, I read the Word, I put my trust in Him. I thanked God for everything...I even thanked Him for prison. Why? Because if I hadn't been plucked out of my addiction and forced to sit down and get sober, I would have never been experiencing a REAL relationship with Jesus. Prison allowed me to focus on Him without the distractions that are in the world. I think of this verse from Psalm 94:19, "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." (NIV).

Outside of prison, my husband and I wake up and read our Bibles every day, similar to how I did when I was in prison. It's nice to begin our day with God. Reading, praying, and journaling. We've been starting our day this way for the last 10 months. I'm happy with my home life and my work life, but the peace I felt in the past in my spiritual life isn't the same. Here lately I've been wondering why I'm not feeling that same peace I felt while I was in prison. Is it the distractions of the "outside world"?

At Celebrate Recovery this past Sunday night, a lady said there's a difference between having happiness and having joy. Happiness is when you receive the promotion you worked so hard for, or a car you've always wanted. Happiness is something the world provides but joy unspeakable is what only the Lord can give us. 1 Peter 1:8 says, "Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now you see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:" (KJV). All momentary happiness eventually wears off. Joy, on the other hand, is that feeling that comes from the inside and only comes from believing in Jesus and knowing we have an eternal life with Him in Heaven. Joy comes from a personal relationship with Jesus. It's a feeling that things of this world can't compare with. And friends that I believe is what has made me feel like I have for the past few weeks. I've been putting too much focus on worldly happiness and not enough focus on Jesus, the source of my joy and inner peace.

Over the next week, I will put my focus more on Jesus and less on the distractions of the world. I'll remind myself that nothing matters but God and that I can give Him all my cares and concerns. If you are experiencing anything like I am then I hope you can do the same. God Bless each and everyone of you!